In the classic fable, “The Emperor’s New Clothes,” enterprising, yet duplicitous businessmen convince a vain emperor that for a price, they can provide him with a set of clothes so fine that only the truly enlightened will be able to recognize them for what they are.
Today, clever wedding dress designers may have sold us the same load of rubbish when it comes to strapless wedding gowns. Not sure you believe me? Here are six reasons you should skip the shoulder baring dresses that make up 75% of all wedding boutique’s inventories, and look for something a little different.
- Strapless wedding dresses are less complicated to design, construct and alter. Designers aren’t making them because they are flattering, or because that is what most brides want. They’re making dresses with out sleeves or straps because it’s easier and cheaper for them.
- Strapless wedding dresses are not flattering on most body types. Just a few ways a strapless dress will betray your body are the dreaded underarm overhang, weirdly unnatural mono boob, or ever present ham hock arms. If going strapless looked so good, Isaac Mizrahi would be designing tube tops for Target.
- Strapless wedding dresses are subject to the laws of gravity. If you’ve got the impossibly low body fat to look good in a strapless dress, chances are you don’t have the top half to hold it up. Unless you enjoy tugging your dress up while you eat, dance and meet and greet your guests–for hours on end–you should stay away from a strapless dress.
- “But my strapless wedding dress has amazing detailing. It’s totally unique,” you say? I hate to be the one to break it to you, but most of your guests are not going to spend much time examining the bead work or lace detail on the bottom half of your dress. Even the details on the bodice will get a passing glance as what people are really interested in is seeing your face. And when people look at your face, they take in your neck and shoulder area. If you’ve chosen a strapless wedding dress, most people aren’t even going to notice it.
- Ready for your close up? Like the emperor in the story, you too will appear naked in close up photos if all that is visible is your head, neck and shoulders. To be fair, not all your pictures will be close-up, but the gorgeous close-ups of you and your new mate will not include that dress you just paid thousands of dollars for.
- Don’t assimilate! The strapless wedding dress is alarmingly close to becoming the bride’s wedding uniform. If we don’t demand options, dressmakers will continue to foist this unfortunate garment on brides who don’t know better.
Take a stand ladies! If it doesn’t look good on you, you don’t have to wear it. This is your big day and you deserve to look and feel your best.